The Apprentice Ireland 3 – Week 11 Review

Sexism in the workplace is bad, mmmkay

The Apprentice Ireland 3 – Week 10 Review

Seacara later, Ciara and Jamie

The Apprentice UK 6 – Episode 8 My Top 5 Moments

1. Contestants Rubbish Attempts At Speaking German

I felt quite smug about this challenge when I watched this on TV, because as Melissa would say this task would have spoke to my skill set with a degree in German and a healthy appetite for crisps. I’m still not as fluent as one expects from language graduates but I certainly know enough that my ears bled during some of the candidates’ attempts at German but that was part of the entertainment and hubris I had from the sofa.

2. Shock!Result

After 6 years of watching the show, it’s easy to see patterns in editing etc that make it easy to guess which is the winning team and who is going to go sometimes as early as the opening 2 minutes. But this week properly shocked me and not in a Shock!Boot like Katie Weasel surviving the Bottom two in Xfactor week after week. SO SHOCKING. This week, I thought because more time was spent on Appollo that they were the losing team and I thought they were going to win with a last minute landslide deal with the big sandwich company. They did secure a big last minute deal but not enough to win. As if that wasn’t enough I was really expecting a Jamie or Chris firing (leaning more towards Jamie) so was doubly shocked when Christopher got fired. So lost my predicted winner for both UK and Irish Apprentices in the one week.

3. Joanna, Sales Machine

Joanna and Stella bamboozling Laura out of a pitch was definitely a genius move when taking into account 1. Laura’s ineptitude (how is she still here?) and 2. Joanna being a sales machine. Before the German Hotelier had realised what hit him he was paying €5,000 for 6 months worth of crisps when he only wanted 3 months. And Chris and Liz couldn’t even desperately give away their crisps to him.

4. Laura’s Super Fast Pitch

I don’t know if it was the editing deliberately making her out to be an incomprehensible motor mouth or if that was the full pitch but either way that was pretty horrendous. There was more bullshit waffle in there that native English speakers have a hard time wading through never mind foreigners. I repeat HOW has she made it this far?

5. Jamie Struggles to think of one good thing he has done all series

When asked by Lord Sugar to name one good thing that he has done all series (after professing that there was loads) Jamie fails to back this up by skirting around the issue and saying there was definitely some gems (not that he can think of any). It was so delightful to have Jamie’s rubbishness be pointed out to him after weeks of thinking he was so much better than he actually is.

The Apprentice Ireland 3 – Week 9 Review

Dave-sa-Spar

The Apprentice UK 6 – Episode 7 My Top 5 Moments

1. Stella vs Stuart

It was not a terribly even match-up, no matter what the VT’s on “You’re Fired” say but Stella’s complete PWNAGE of Stuart Bagg’s (The Brand) was undoubtedly my favourite moment this week. Her barely concealed contempt for him was a joy to behold since it pretty much conveyed my exact feelings towards him as well. From Stella shutting him down for implying she was senile at the age of 30, to telling him he doesn’t appreciate “mature complex characters” while he didn’t get it on reward to the amazing evil side glare to him at the end of the episode, it all made me fall more and more in love with Stella.

2. Stuart’s leadership style leaves Nick “trembling with irritation”

Carrying on the theme of hating on Stuart, Nick’s head on interview about Stuart’s management style leaving him “trembling with irritation” complete with patented Nick bulldog chewing a wasp gurning face, had me in stitches laughing.

3. Civilised Boardroom

Well it certainly wasn’t the most memorable or exciting Boardroom, and it was pretty obvious from the outset that Sandeesh was going no matter what, but I suppose one week off from everyone shouting over the top of each other was a nice break.

4. Stuart’s psychic vision

This was the moment that Stuart was being an obnoxious twat (surprising, I know) and using his funny voices for the purposes of evil when he was describing to Laura about Stella and Joanna having legitimate complaints about what a shit PM he was because making decisions off the top of his head without really thinking about it and changing his mind 2 seconds later. He then starts mimicing them needing to be spoon fed.

5. Liz rips off the other team’s idea

This was the moment when Liz spied on the opposing team, saw that her team’s idea was incredibly shit and they should just copy Appollo’s idea. I didn’t think it was entirely fair given that it rendered the video shoot part of the task pointless, showed little creativity from Liz and I thought she got away lightly with it in the boardroom. Still stealing idea’s from competitors is hardly unheard of, so why not?

The Apprentice Ireland 3 – Week 8 Review

Ta-ra Tara

The Apprentice UK 6 – Episode 6 My Top 5 Moments

1. Stuart working on the radio ad

After week one when Stuart was a whirlwind of douchebaggery, and bragging about how un-PC he is pre-show Stuart has pretty much settled down to be quieter and less offensive. This week when doing funny voices (influenza is cockerney!) for their cleaning product’s radio ad, his enthusiasm was palpable and endearing.

2. Alex likens himself to orange apples

In another bizarre insight into Alex Epstein’s mind, Alex gave an interview where he bragged about not being another corporate drown and said that if he were an apple pie, the apples would be orange. So, rotten then? I rather like my apples the way they are, anyway.

3. Terminator parody ad

With no ideas coming in the direction of self-confessed creative genius and inventor of the bendy bus PM Alex got on board with Chris’ idea for a concept that ripped off Terminator, from everything from the product name “germ-o-nator”, tagline “hasta la vista, gravy”. And then the ad itself which borrowed motifs from Mr.Muscle and Cillit Bang (and the radio ad even ripped off Domestos). But the ad was still fairly amusing by the show’s standards, even with a child running around with a product which looked like a bottle of poison had “keep out of reach of children” on it.

4. Alex shouts over Chris in the Boardroom

Or “How loud can you say the word ‘when’?” per Harry Hill. Yep, only a week after saying how rude it was for Paloma to talk over him in the BR, Alex does the exact same thing and even managed to be just as obnoxious when Chris was defending himself and I think even scared himself by how loud it came out, but it was still a classic moment.

5. Christopher’s skeevy ad

Kind of stretching the “top” 5 moments, but the winning team’s ad was so hilariously bad that it really deserved a mention. I think the best bit was when the “actress” (casted by Christopher by being the most attractive woman who turned up) was dressed up in the rubbish budget octopus costume cleaning the kitchen before retiring to the living room to sex up her skeevy husband with her 8 arms (definitely better than 2, as Chris informed us in the sleaziest way possible down the camera lens). I only hope Christopher’s wife was as supportive in Monica from Friends in the Shark Porn episode, once she realised he got fired from his job for downloading all that octopus porn.

The Apprentice Ireland – Week 7 Review

Baa Baa Trap Sheep

The Apprentice UK 6 – Episode 5 My Top 5 Moments

1. Chris manages to sell the ugly recycled tie dress

I didn’t think it would prove possible upon seeing some of the hideous recycled (/upcycled, ugh) clothes, but Chris Bates managed to flirt with a woman long enough by telling her it was “built for her” with his dreary monotone voice and she actually bought a dress made of ties for 300 quid. Amazing. Still, I guess it’s a talking point at events, I suppose.

2. Alex declares himself  a retail guru

In another instance of Alex being a complete delusionoid, at the start of this weeks episode Alex listed off his list of credentials relevant to this task. One of which included being a self-professed retail guru having learnt about retailing from a retail professor (?!) and listing off theories about which way shoppers turn when entering a shop, and choosing a promotional spot 100 miles away with complex directions and lying about saying that Alesha Dixon and Fearne Cotton being at their shop. Although, nothing would make me avoid the plague more than finding out that that irritant Fearne Cotton is in the vicinity, Mr. retail guru.

3. Paloma talks herself into being fired

I personally was willing her not incredibly hard to shut up because Sandeesh was just about to be fired, and I love Paloma as the fierce bitch that she is but she pushed Lord Sugar too far in the BR by letting things get personal in her final words in the BR by basically making an unfounded claim that Sandeesh and Alex totally suck at their dayjobs. I mean, she probably deserved to be fired for making more errors on this task like other weeks but I enjoyed watching her at least.

4. Stella on the Phone

It was the moment towards the start of the episode that was repeated in You’re Fired as well, where Stella answers the phone to receive all the vital information about where to go for the task from Lord Sugar’s seldom seen secretary. Such information dispensed with and Stella drops the phone right away with no time for pleasantries and then runs upstairs to inform everyone else, interrupting Stuart’s wank in the process.

5. Jamie slags off Manchester

This is the moment that Jamie showed what a classist tool he was in the car with Stella on the way to Manchester where he basically implies that all people outside London are about 2 years behind and even WEAR SHOES to clubs. Wow, how backwards. Twat.

The Apprentice Ireland 3 – Week 6 Review

30 days have September, April, June and November. All the rest have 31 except February which has 28 days clear and 29 on a leap year. And also except December which is just blank now.